


Play the game

by Llamaonfire



Category: The Beatles
Genre: Death, F/M, Gay, Love, M/M, Song Based, TAKE ME TO CHURCH, church
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 17:58:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4715192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llamaonfire/pseuds/Llamaonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Church is a place to confess sins that the someone else tells you that you have committed. Judgement is the base of it. Why? Life is game, why not enjoy it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Play the game

The thing I remember more about him is his smile, his careless ways and curious fingers. It used to irritate me the way he was always finding new ways. Not just ways to do everyday things, but just in general. Everything always seemed new with him. That day at church I missed all the newness so much. I’ve been through all that before. The fools and believers coming up with excuses and saying it was “his wish”, “he knows what he does”. I don’t care if he knows, all I know is that it took the light away from my “he”.

His running around, singing playing when we weren’t meant to. Playing with life like it was just another song he was writing. It all seemed too easy for him. He always had a new move, it was always his turn. Expect life had it’s turn too. And life was no easy player. It saw through all things, all the walls. It knew just where to hit and how to do it. That day it won.

His head hung low between his tense, straight shoulders. His greasy auburn hair, no longer had it’s fiery reflections. When we used to sit around, I always found myself gazing into those colores. The dark auburn that, like the transition from winter to spring, bloomed with lighter auburns and oranges. Almost catching a flame. A flame that seemed to reflect from his inner self. He had such desire, urge for more and more that sometimes it would be too much. Sending him into a spiral.

A voice, hoarse and too old to know better echoed in the old church. I have to admit that he wasn’t speaking words to me, because I was too focused on John to even care. That was, till I heard her name. He was talking about her. He didn’t know her, how could he know what he is claiming to understand if he didn’t even know her!

I could see John tense up as he kept going on and on about just how lost her soul was. In a swift movement he grabbed on to my hand, holding it tight. I could feel that he was trying to calm himself, breathing deep with his eyes closed and head still hanging low, but the words kept going and going. Echoing.

“You didn’t know her!” John shouted, letting go of my hand and standing.

“Pardon, son.” The old priest responded I could hear Mimi whispering something to John, trying to pull him by his pants, but he shook her off. “Pardon me, you cunt.” People gasped at the forbidden word. “You didn’t know her! You never even talked with her or offered any help when she needed it the most! You just judged her! She was just a whore, right?!” John’s voice featured a little sass in the end, making the priest gain a redder tone to his face.

“And who are you to know her and her sins so well?”

“Her son.” He shouted firmly. “And she had no sins! She was an angel! More pure and closer to any kind of god than any of you.” For those who don’t know the story behind John and his mother this is normal, what son wouldn’t defend his mother or think that she was an angle. Well, John and Julia were different. Their relationship wasn’t the average family type. John loved his mother, well with the walls he built it was clear to anyone that came close enough to see that he treasured her. Nonetheless the was a difficult relationship, full of recent(?) and anger. She gave him away when he was young and only really came back years later, recently actually and now she left again.

“You repeat his words, yet you don’t give a single flying fuck about what it means! Worshipping like dogs wanting a bone! Everyone can hear your little whispers. Everyone can see the fucking hypocrisy!”

“That’s enough young man!”

“It’s hard to hear the truth?” John laughed. “You, priest, are standing in a shrine of lies and judgement. I hope one day you feel your own judgement in your own skin and burn.” By now John was already standing in the hall of the church, staring straight at the priest. I had never seen John speak like that, so strongly and seriously. He walked away after he spoke those last words and the church filled with chatter and gossip as the heals of his dress shoes echoed away.

“Oh god, what has he done?” Mimi rubbed his forehead worried.

“What everyone else should have done.” I spoke soon following the patch John had taken.

Once outside the heavy mist make it a little hard for me to see, but soon I saw John’s figure walking away into the forest. “John?”

“Leave me alone, Paul”

I ran a little catching up to him. “I just want to help.”

“I don’t want your help.”

“John stop.” I got in front of him, looking into his anger filled eyes. The wall seemed strong and tall, but soon with a soft blow of the wind it came down and so did he. Melting to the ground, next to a big tree in the full forest he crumbled. His head fell between his knees, hands went around his body, finding, shameful he seemed.

“John” I got down to his level, sitting next to where he had fell.

“I’m so tired!” He breathed softly, hidden. I let him take his time and eventually lifting his face he spoke, avoiding my gaze. “ Everyone seems to have opinions. Do this, John. Oh you should dress like this. Oh your mother was no good, John. Oh poor you, you’ll be okay. HOW DO THEY KNOW?!” With the last phrase he look at me, his were so wide, watery and fiery. “They don’t know me!” he pointed at himself. “And they sure as hell didn’t know her!” He looked at the distance, hands soon going into his hair and gripping it slightly. He sniffed his nose. Relaxed, he let go of his messy hair and looked up at me. You look back, I could feel that his mind was fast, thinking and arguing everything he was about to say. “How come they all come and go. Judging and doin’ their thing and you’re still here?”

My eyebrows raised as I thought. Sighing I spoke. “I’m too hard headed.” I smiled a little.

He stayed tense, than relaxed and let a giggle pass as he shook his head.

There was silence again and then a giggle. He looked at me and said. “Thank you.”

“Shut up.”

“oi!” He spoke a little less hiddenly. “I mean it.” He looked down again. “I know man aren’t meant to say this to each other, but I love you Macca.”

I looked at him confused, disarmed, not ready. He kept his head down at my silence. “I’m no fag Paul, but ya know that thing that everybody says? That you know you really love someone when you would give their life for them without even thinking?” I stayed quiet, he kept going. “It’s been days since I’ve slept. Night are the time I just think, I don’t sleep. Well I haven’t now. And in this thinking one day, while I was somewhere between passed out and awake I started thinking: If I was there when she died… I would have given my life for her’s. Without thinking twice. And when my brain traded in her for you I did the same thing. I didn’t think twice before jumping in front of that car to save you. Still since that day I’ve been going around in circles, because it’s fine to give my life for Julia, she was me mum, kind of, but you’re my mate. How can I love you? How can I love a mate and not be a fag? That…”

“Shut up!” He just wouldn’t stop randelling. “Will you stop being like everyone else and judging!”

“What?” He looked at me tense.

“Yeah, you speak a big game about everyone else, but stop. You’re being just like them.” He tried to start speaking but I took hold of his cheeks and kept speaking. “Stop thinking!”

“I can’t” John spoke between my hands, making his speech sound funny as well as making a really funny expression. I let go as we both giggled, relaxing.

“You are amazing, smart, talented and good looking.” I started.

“More than you.”

“Don’t get cocky.” I gave him a serious look, he giggled. “You just need to learn to play with life and stop trying to win it.”

“What’s the point then?” He let his legs rest completely on the ground as he grabbed a smoke.

“There is no point. You never win John, you die.” I could see his expression fading to numbness, so I reached over and held on to his shoulder. “That’s the great thing about it.” He looked surprised. “If you are not worried with winning, you can just play. Enjoying life, laugh, love.” He smiled at him, giving his shoulder a squeeze and smiling back he pulled me softly into a hug. A hug the tightened with trust.

“Git” he spoke in the hug.

 

“Love ya too, John.”


End file.
